Gessie Belizaire This Life I Live in Truth

When is Enough…Enough?

By July 22, 2017 Life, Love, Relationships, Advice, Self Awareness, Truth

So you find yourself at the end of the crossroad and you are faced with making the hardest of hard decisions.  What happens when you have no more fight in you because you are just tired of being tired?  When do you decide when enough is enough?

Do you continue to listen to popular culture with all the messages they inundate us with about relationships: see the good in people , relationships are work, rise above, pick your battles, and don’t have too many expectations or do you instead not put up with anyone’s disrespect, take care of you , set limits, leave abuse.  The messaging becomes convoluted with all our decisions on how to properly set boundaries in the relationships.  When is it the right time to leave our relationship?  In this blog we are going to explore that question of when is enough…enough?

Now I know it is not easy to choose to leave a relationship but sometimes it could very well be the best decision for you and your said family (if you have one).  Someone once said, “Relationships are like glass.  Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than to hurt yourself trying to put it back together.

  1. Does your relationship scream toxicity in anyway?

If so, consider leaving or seeking outside help to alleviate the toxicity.

  1. Do their actions not align with their words?

Anyone can contradict themselves once or twice even.  After all we are humans that sometimes make mistakes.  It’s the consistent behavior that really tells someone how they feel about you.  If someone is telling you they want to reconcile with you yet their actions are not at all becoming where for instance you find that they are staying out late or not coming home at all.  What does that really say about their desire to reconcile?  We have got to start trusting actions because that is where the truth lives.

  1. Do you often make excuses for them to yourself and to others?

If you find yourself in this position, then chances are the behavior that you are trying to explain away is consistently unacceptable.  A friend of mind and I am sure myself and many included can relate to a man that is not ready to fully commit to you and where you find yourself making excuses for that man by saying “Oh he is just not ready, he had a hard childhood, and he’s not had examples in his life where commitment was valued.” Even though all these things can be true…at the end of the day they are all excuses as to why he or she will not commit.

  1. Does this person flip things on you, as if their actions are your fault?

It’s hard to decipher unacceptable and consistent actions when you have somehow convinced yourself that you are responsible for them.  For instance your partner may consistently ignore you and you may think it’s because you are too needy.  From that said example you may be justifying their mistreatment because they try to make you feel like “you are in the wrong” or like “you are the crazy one”.   No one should ever make you feel like that….your weaknesses should not become an excuse to intimidate or disparage you.  Your significant other should be there to uplift you in every which way.

If you answered yes to any of these previously stated questions than it could very well be that time in your relationship where enough is enough and you have to make the decision to stay, set boundaries, or to go and move on.  Nobody deserves to be in an unhealthy relationship.  The question becomes now: can you be kind to yourself and walk away from what you know isn’t right?”  As always I thank you for reading.  Take care and be true.

 

***

I want to thank those who come back week after week.  I am sorry I have not written in a few weeks.  I have been doing life and it has been really busy.  I recently got engaged.  I know right….HUGE NEWS….and well things have been a whirlwind ever since.  I hope to be back on track so please continue to stop in to read the latest blog.  Thank you again Truthstars!

 

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How to Stand By your Convictions?

By June 24, 2017 Life, Love, Relationships, Advice, Self Awareness, Truth

If one were to stop and think about the world we live in and all that is going on in it, then he or she would see that it’s a pretty messed up place.  It’s so messed up that you will find that people no longer live by their convictions.  What you will find instead is people doing whatever they deem seems “right in their own eyes”.  It was so long ago that I can really recall standing by my convictions.

When I was in high school I will never forget the lesson that I learned regarding the message: Stand up for what you believe to be true and important.  During the time, I was fortunate enough to be taking a college preparatory writing class for college credit.  The teacher asked us as a final writing project to write a persuasive essay on anything that we wanted.  I was excited and eager to write about something that was important and that really mattered to me.  I chose, therefore, to write about a topic that I later would discover was a dissenting opinion when I wrote about the don’ts of school dress codes and how it was being targeted towards ethnic backgrounds.  I took a look specifically at cultural head wraps and how there was no validity as to why they could not be worn in school.  To support my research, I chose to do a school survey on the topic.  By the end of the day what began as a school survey got to the school administration that it was a petition.  Because of the so called petition, I had my presidency of the Diversity Club taken away from me and unfortunately when I lost my presidency the club was also dissolved, which left all the participants of the program who were also my friends very angry and confused.  My friends were so angry that they did not know who else to take out their frustration on but me.  Many chose for this reason to not be my friend anymore.  How can an innocent survey for an academic project have such risk I kept thinking to myself?  Although I was very hurt and stressed at the time, I stood by my convictions and finished writing that persuasive paper even after all the ramifications that came from it.

I share all that to say it is funny how the younger Gessie was so fearless and could stand up for what I believed to be important.  I am not quite certain when the shift happens but I find it somewhat challenging to stand by my convictions in my 30’s.  I am constantly reevaluating what battles are worth the fight, which values and beliefs are worth some sacrifice and trying to figure out how best I can stand up for them.

The question becomes, “who is willing to take the risk?” Whether you are in the classroom, on the playground, or in the workforce there is some risk involved.  If you are a student in the classroom you could be risking an incorrect answer; while on the playground you can run the risk of encountering a giant bully; and you could risk losing your job for questioning mistreatment of a fellow employee.  It really, from these examples, becomes hard to do in the world.  If we really stop and think about things from a grand scheme, we will see that there is always something at risk.  Question becomes are you willing to take a risk because of something or someone you firmly believe is worth fighting for?

I know this may sound intimidating, but know that you are not alone.  I want to offer a few ways in which one might stand by their convictions.

  1. Lift up your voice

Each and every one of us since birth was gifted with a voice.  At every opportunity you should be using your voice to speak on behalf of what you believe to be true and of value to you.  Write letters to your Congress Representative, attend and or speak up at a community forum, vote in elections both big and small.

  1. Money, money, money, money

Money, whether we like it or not, talks.  We should be the stewards of what that money says by giving our money to an organization that does what we feel so strongly for.  If you firmly believe that feeding the hungry is important, then consider giving to an organization whose mission is to feed the hungry.

  1. Your time

Did you know that how we spend our time mirrors what we value?  Yep! So don’t underestimate the power that your time holds.  Again if you care for the hungry think about volunteering or working for an organization that make it their business to address the problems surrounding hunger.

Who ever said standing up for your convictions would be easy was telling a bold face lie.  Standing up for our convictions is difficult, but it is our calling as children of God.  Will we fall short of that calling at times?  Absolutely! But with each fall comes opportunities to reevaluate just what it is we hold to be true and worthy causes.  As always I thank you for reading.  Until next time, take care and be true!

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How to Raise Emotionally Intelligent Children

By June 10, 2017 Life, Love, Relationships, Advice, Self Awareness, Truth

As a parent, I can honestly say that I want the best for my child.  I want my child to grow up and live a happy and fulfilling life.  However, there have been many times when I have and I am sure many others have questioned some of our parenting choices.  The big question often times is are we or aren’t we doing this whole parenting thing right.  The truth is our dreams, hopes and fears about parenting very well may never go away but we ought to be comforted in knowing that we don’t have to rely on hope alone.  There are plenty of science based roadmaps on how to raise well rounded and emotionally intelligent children.  In this blog post we are going to learn some tips on how to raise emotionally intelligent children, children who are equipped with intellectual skills needed to succeed in school and life.

Tip 1:

Listen

Listen patiently; often times all your child really needs is to be heard.  Once a little person is able to release their emotions, he or she can move on.  But in order to for your child to feel like they can share you have to be fully present to listen.  And before you jump to solve the problem it is best to just listen.

Tip 2:

Put a name to feelings

Since young children are still building on their vocabulary it is best at every opportune time to encourage your child to build an emotional vocabulary by providing him or her with labels of their feelings as you mimic them back to him or her.  For instance, if your child seems disappointed because he or she didn’t get to go to “Chuck e Cheese” you can then say, “I noticed that you are feeling said and that is okay”

Tip 3:

Validate Emotions

Do not and I repeat do not dismiss your child’s emotions.  You always want to encourage them to just feel their emotions.  To express ones emotions is the best way to overcome that said feeling.  If your child decides he or she wants to be emotional or to feel negative emotions, allow it, because it is all a part of growing up.  Make sure you are taking that know fact into account before you go to disregard their feelings or lead them to believe that their feelings are bad.  What will consequently happen is it will send to your child the message that he or she is bad and that perception can often stay with a child into adulthood.

Tip 4:

Choose to connect in the wake of negative emotions

When your child is experiencing negative emotions utilize that time as a chance to connect, to grow, and to heal.  It’s often difficult for children to control their emotions right?  That is why it is important at every opportunity to stay loving, compassionate, and kind.  If you find that your child is frustrated because they couldn’t wake up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom and consequently wet the bed, then try saying something like, “I noticed that you are frustrated, I completely get it.”  Let them know that you can understand where they are coming from.

Tip 5

Encourage your child to set limits and to problem solve

Very early on in our child’s development we should be encouraging them that they are capable of self-regulating themselves especially in a world that seems unfair.  At every opportunity remind them that all emotions are acceptable but all behaviors are not.  A great example of setting limits all while problem solving would be to say, “I realize you are upset, but it is not okay to hit.  How can we better express our feelings without hitting next time?”  With this example your child can begin to think of alternative ways to navigate their feelings all while knowing that not all behaviors are acceptable.

When you are a parent you can feel defeated and unappreciated at times because it is a challenging and never ending job.  If you try the tips suggested, your child will have the tools needed to navigate through school and life.  As always, I thank you for reading.  Until next time, take care and be true.

#thislifeiliveintruth

 

 

 

 

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This is Me

By May 27, 2017 Life, Love, Relationships, Advice, Self Awareness, Truth

This is Me

This is me being the more that I want

This is me feeling a level of permanency in wanting more

There is nothing temporary about it

This is me plunging into my desires

This is me taking my life in an upward direction

This is me going after what I want

This is me smiling from ear to ear

This is me living the treasures found in each day

All while saying freely, feeling boldly, plunging deeply, choosing intently, taking honestly, going permanently, smiling brightly, and living whole heartedly.

This is me

choosing me

 

Inside the Poets thoughts

This is me is a recent poem that I was inspired to write based on just where I am in my life right now.  What is that place do you ask?  I am at a place of knowing: I know enough about who I am to know that before I can do; I must first be.  I realized, in order to do; I-had-to-be.  Now I know to many this sounds like a riddle or a cliché saying but to me this is real life.  I had to arrive at the realization that before I could do anything to change the world, I had to first become the change that I wanted to see in the world.  I had to stop making excuses for myself as to why I was not reaching or aiming to reach my best self.  I could no longer feel sorry for myself for not arriving at the many milestones that others would deem make you “quote on quote” successful. I put a halt to all things mediocre and focused instead on greatness.  I focused on the great things that, I now, believed that I deserved and I pushed forward.  I met each day with a smile, took nothing for granted, and I looked for life’s daily treasures.  Now I know that I am not quite where I want to be but if I were to look back on just a few months, I could see that I am not where I used to be ….and that my friend is a cause for celebration. If there is anybody out there that is longing for more I am here to tell you that it is yours to take.  The world is your oyster.  You are deserving of all things great.  You just have to be the thing that you want to see in the world, and then you can start to do what needs doing.  As always I thank you for reading.   Until next time, take care and be true.

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10 Pieces of Advice to Live By

By May 20, 2017 Life, Love, Relationships, Advice, Self Awareness, Truth
  • Listen to the voice that sits at your core that tells you to follow your dream.
  • Best advice ever heard: Don’t take advice; pay attention.
  • Do good to others and others will do good to you.
  • Know who you are; be the authentic you; be grounded; and honor yourself.
  • Learn to be okay with knowing that we don’t all have to be one thing.
  • Let us feel our pulse and be proud of who we are and what we do.
  • Believe that there is a reason why you are here and make it your business to find out what that reason is that you are here.
  • Allow your life to be fueled by your being….and your being will then fuel your doing.
  • Life is fleeting so while you are here do your best to love in every kind of way.
  • Follow your gut instinct.

Before I leave you, in the comments section below I want to hear from you the best advice that you have heard that you now live by.  Okay now 1 2 3 and go (let us flood the comments section).  As always I thank you for reading.  Until next time, take care and be true.

#thislifeiliveintruth

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7 Ways to Make your Relationship Strong

By May 13, 2017 Life, Love, Relationships, Advice, Self Awareness, Truth

Tina Turner posed a very important question in her famous hit song, “What’s love got to do with it?” Although many would say that love is the foundation of any happy romantic relationship, Tina Turner and many others would argue that love in many instances is simply not enough.  In order to have a thriving and healthy relationship, both sides have to be willing to work on it in many different ways.  In this blog post we are going to explore what are some of the key ways to keep our relationships strong.

  1. Put to practice acceptance and appreciation

David Rico best explains what it means to accept and appreciate our partners by describing what that would look like in nature through his book “How to be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving.”  In it he states, “In a true you-and-I relationship, we are present mindfully, non-intrusively, the way we are present with things in nature.  We do not tell a birch tree it should be more like an elm.  We face it with no agenda, only appreciation.”  With what Rico has stated we really have to learn to accept and appreciate our partners for whom and where they are.

  1. Recognize that all relationship have their highs and their lows

In all relationships there will be ups and downs.  So learn to prepare for that ride with your partner.

  1. Connect with your partner by using the word “We”

Studies have shown that couples who use the word “we” verses “you” or “me” and “I” are generally more satisfied with their relationships because of the connectedness mindset that they feel.  It makes them feel more loving and generous.

  1. Follow the magical 3:1 ratio

Research has shown in order to have a flourishing relationship that is healthy you have to have 3 times more positive experiences with your partner than negative experiences.

  1. Show physical affection daily to one another

Physical affection has been proven to have a myriad of benefits according to many studies.  It releases hormones that make you feel good, it reduces blood pressure, it improves mood, it helps to release stress, and couples tend to be more satisfied in their relationships.  I know what everyone is thinking…physical affection doesn’t only entail making it to home run , it also includes all of the bases like kissing, hugging, touching, cuddling, etc.

  1. Create a couples routine

To strengthen your relationship it is recommended that you create a routine that is just for the two of you.  For instance every other Saturday can be date night.  Another instance can be walking to the metro together in the mornings if you both are commuting into work via the transit system, or putting aside 10 minutes every night to speak to your partner.

  1. Set goals as a couple

As a team of two you should both be striving to achieve a set of goals that are important to the both of you together.  That way you both can move in the same direction and celebrate together.

To conclude, in order to flourish in a relationship in a loving and healthy way you have to put in the work because it is not just going to happen without it.  Try using the 7 tips provided to start strengthening your relationship right away.  After all were we all not meant to love and be loved.  As always I thank you for reading.  Until next time, take care and be true.

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How to be a Friend

By May 7, 2017 Life, Love, Relationships, Advice, Self Awareness, Truth

Friends, we all have them, have different definitions for them, and would even agree that they are usually easier made than kept…My mother always told me if you have one good friend in your life than you are doing well for yourself.  If you have one friend that is there for you and possibly doing life with you in essence, then that my friend is a win that is priceless.  In this blog we are going to find out what it takes to be a good friend forever and even on days when it may not be so easy.

  1. Be true to your word

Do not get or make it a habit to make promises that you do not intend to keep.  Now do not get me wrong, I understand that life will happen to you at a time where an unforeseen circumstance will make you have to break a promise.  Should that scenario happen, be open and honest in your communication to the person you made the promise to.

  1. Be dependable

To be dependable is one of the most important aspects of being a good friend.  It means that as a good friend you are to behave in a consistent and trustworthy way.  Nobody likes a flake.  If you say you are going to do something, then it is your responsibility to follow through.

  1. Know when to say sorry when you have made a mistake

If you have made a mistake do not be in denial about it; own up to that fact that you are not flawless.

  1. Be honest

If you want to have people trust you and also be a good friend you have to be honest.  You have to be honest in your communication with your friend.  If you are upset, share that.  If you are sad, share that.  And if you are happy share that as well.

  1. Be real

Be yourself.  I cannot stress that enough.  Make sure you are investing in friendships where you can be 100% yourself.  If your friendship lacks realness, then it will not last.

  1. Be a good listener

Make sure to listen as much as you talk when in conversation with your friend.  When we listen, we open up space between the both of us and it reassures our friend that we care.

  1. Be there to help your friend deal with struggles

When your friend is having a tough time you have got to be there to show up for them.  Be supportive in any way possible: if it requires you to lend a shoulder to cry on…lend it.  If it calls on you provide advice to them, well by all means advice, and if you have to seek professional help for them, then do it.

There are so much more tips that I could offer you on how to be a good friend but I chose the seven that were most important and helpful to me.  I hope that you have enjoyed this entry.  May you experience true and lasting friendships in your life.  Until next time, take care and be true.

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How to be a Light onto the World

By April 29, 2017 Life, Love, Relationships, Advice, Self Awareness, Truth

“You are the light of the world.  A town built on a hill cannot be hidden.  Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl.  Instead they put it on a stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house.  In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your father in heaven.” (Matthew 5:14-16, New International Version)

How many people can relate to the above passage?  And how many of those people have for one reason or another forgotten that they are the light of the world due to the people or circumstances in their life that have dimmed their light? A bad boss, an abusive partner, a disrespectful child, a debilitating disease are just some examples of how someone’s light can be dimmed.   After all what good is light if it is dim?  Does the light still serve its purpose when dim?  The answer to that question is no; light must shine If it wants to fulfill its purpose.

We are called to allow our light to shine on others.  If we as individuals choose to allow people and or circumstances to determine that we are inadequate to shine, then we are allowing those people and or circumstances to determine that we will not fulfill our purpose.  Our very purpose in life is to shine.  Every day with our light and purpose we are to dispel darkness.  And you want to know what…it does not take much to dispel darkness.  If one match can light up a whole dark room, then surely your one act of kindness can do just the same.

The way we live and act in the world should be reflective of His word, purpose, and will.  Even if you are not a believer, you and I can show that we are a light on to the world by treating everyone we come across with the same love, grace and compassion that He has shown us or the way we would want to also receive love, grace, and compassion.

Before I close, I can’t help but think of my favorite quote right now by Marianne Williamson when I think of this topic of being a light onto the world.  In it she says, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.  Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.  We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?  Actually, who are you not to be?  We were born to manifest the glory of God that is within us.  And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same” Bottom line is we should not be afraid to be the greatest version of ourselves.  We also can’t be afraid to shine by fulfilling our purpose.  Do you know how contagious being a light onto the world can be to so many others?  The possibilities are endless.  As always I thank you for reading.  Until next time, take care and be true.

#thislifeiliveintruth

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I Want to say…

By April 23, 2017 Life, Love, Relationships, Advice, Self Awareness, Truth

All I want to do is say that I was here

When I leave this world

I want to say that I made a difference

From the way that I spoke to the way that I moved in this world

I want to say that I left the world just a little better

And I want to do it without ever really saying anything

I want my actions to speak for themselves

I want to say that I lived

I want to say that I loved

I want to say that I laid everything out there on the table until I died

Do you to want to say that you were here?

Do you want to live a life of purpose and impact?  If yes please sign up for my free e-course on finding your purpose.  Click here to register.  As always I thank you for reading. Until next time, take care and be true.

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How to Live a Life of Impact

By April 15, 2017 Life, Love, Relationships, Advice, Self Awareness, Truth

John Piper once said, “God is always doing 10,000 things in your life, and you may be aware of three of them.”  Can you imagine just three?  Ordinary people will recognize three of the 10,000 things in their lives that the Lord is doing, but I believe that the Lord calls on us to be more than ordinary.  In point, He calls on me and you as his children to live an extra-ordinary life of impact.

Matter of fact I will never forget the time in 2007 when He called on me in a dream to live an extraordinary life of impact.  The dream as I can remember it was a directive from God or a higher power I felt, telling me to “wake up and to be grateful for the things that I have and so much so that I should be giving back.”  Can you imagine, at 20, having such a dream?  At that immediate time I could not even believe the dream out of fear, but once I let go of the fear, I was no longer afraid to carry out the directive that was given to me in a dream.  I went on to raise awareness  and funding about forgotten issues of the world that stem from inequality, poverty, race, health, and natural disasters with a group that I founded known as Students about the Business of Change on the campus of the University of Rhode Island.  The Lord called on me then and He is calling on me now to live an extraordinary life of impact just as He is calling on you!  I am sure that you are screaming at the top of your lungs right now but how…how do I even begin to live a life of impact.

I would say that the answer is simple but it is not in the sense that there is not one way to arrive at living a life of great impact, but I know it is simpler than you think.  First thing is first you want to ask yourself the following questions:

  • How is your life right now?
  • Are you living a life of great impact or rather an average one at that?
  • Are you satisfied with where you are on your life journey, or are you asking God to open new doors for you?
  • Have you been misappropriating the resources God placed in your life?
  • Do you want to live an extraordinary life for His glory or for your pleasure?

After you have answered those questions honestly we can move on to the real work that needs to take place.

The real work calls on you to do the following:

  1. You have got to amplify your vision

Stop thinking small.  Our God is a great God and there is nothing too small or too great for Him to achieve.  Our God is big so I encourage you to increase your faith to match your mighty God, who can do amazing things.

  1. Know that your true identity rests in Him

In the image of God, you my friend were created to live on this earth for His glory, where He saved you and your true identity rests in knowing that.

  1. Define your self-image

Look yourself in the mirror and ask yourself the following:

  • What do I want my life to really look like or become?
  • As a person, what kind do I want to be?
  • How can I serve God greater?

By answering these questions you will be able to define and to visualize what your extraordinary life is supposed to encompass and embody.

  1. Know that you are not your past

To overcome the past, you have to start by knowing that you are not your past failures.  As a member of the flesh have you or will you sin? Of course, but the Lord has forgiven you so it’s time that you forgive yourself.

  1. Break the expected routine of your life

You know that same old job that you are doing, that same bad decision, that same bad attitude that you have…just that same, same, same break it and dare to do something different that goes beyond the ordinary.

  1. Prepare

It is really just that simple….you have to prepare for an opportunity and for success by:

  • Searching for new ways to get what you want out of life
  • Once you have determined which opportunity to pursue begin planting seeds in your area
  • And focus on managing your area on a weekly basis
  1. Leave a legacy of impact

Albert Pike once said, “What we have done for ourselves alone dies with us, what we have done for others and the world, remains and is immortal.” From that quote I gather that our lives are meant to be a blessing to other people.  Our purpose in life is to direct people to know the Savior, to worship God and to fellowship with other believers and to minister to others around the world.  When we come to the realization that our lives are not for us, it is then that we truly begin to life a life of tremendous impact.

As always I thank you for reading.  Until next time, take care and be true.

 

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