Gessie Belizaire This Life I Live in Truth

How to Change your Behavior in 7 Key Steps

By October 21, 2017 Life, Love, Relationships, Advice, Self Awareness, Truth

“We are what we repeatedly do.  Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.”

– Aristotle

If you want to be great you have to constantly put in the work and you have to know that excellent habits come from what we repeatedly do.  It is one thing to know greatness but it is another thing to be great.  I believe that is why it is so hard to change for the better.   When we are challenged to do better we often go into that scenario with the same old habits, hoping desperately for different results.  Habits and change are one of those things that are difficult to do, but trust you me when I say that it can happen.  In this blog post we are going to discuss some simple yet key steps on how to change our behavior.

  1. Write it down

You want to write down your plan and do so with one habit at a time.  If you do so, it will increase your probability of being successful.

  1. Identify your triggers and replacement habits

Early on you want to identify what your triggers are or that habit or behavior and come up with positive behaviors/habits that you can replace that trigger with.  For instance, if you are a smoker and one of your triggers to smoking is having sex.  I would replace the smoking after sex with a healthy light snack.

  1. For 30 days, focus on utilizing the replacement habits every time the triggers happen.

They say it takes 30 days to make or break a habit: so really focus your time and energy while in those 30 days to being consistent.  Every single time you are triggered replace that occurrence with a positive replacement habit.

  1. Start small

Since behavior/habit change is so difficult you want to start small.  Say for instance you want to learn how to be more patient.  You want to slowly and in small increments work your way up to doing that.  One can practice patience by waiting in a long grocery store line and then work their way up to harder tasks that demonstrate patience.

  1. Know what your motivations are and make sure its strong proofed

Motivations are clear reasons as to why you are working on a set behavior/habit – Included in the details are the strong benefits of why you are doing what you are doing.  For example, it’s not usually enough to say that I want to quit smoking for vanity reasons.  Often times there has to be someone behind your desire to quit smoking.  If you want to quit smoking because you want to be around for your kids you will be more apt to stick to your behavior change if what’s motivating you is strong.

  1. Write down all your road blocks

If you are like me, you have probably tried and failed at changing a habit before doing it again.  What you want to do is reflect on those failures, and   figure out what stopped you from succeeding.  Write down every single road block that you could ever think of and come up with efforts at solution for them.

  1. Ask for help and make sure you have a support system

Don’t be afraid to ask for help from those in your support system or online forum.  Whether that is a family member, friend, co-worker, online group, etc.  You want to reach out when you feel tempted to break your positive streak in your change of behavior.

Greatness is in us all.  I hope you have enjoyed these key tips.  Let us remember that we just have to be consistent in modeling positive behavior and the rest will follow.  I thank you so much for reading.  Until next time, take care and be true.

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7 Ways on How to Prepare for love

By September 23, 2017 Life, Love, Relationships, Advice, Self Awareness, Truth

“I am ready for love, why are you hiding from me…”is the powerful first line to the song, Ready for love, written by India Arie. In the song she affirms her desire to be in a relationship.  In this song like in life it is filled with layers that focus on only on the hopeful, idealized version of romantic love but also on the unpleasantness and the dark side that is love.  If you are not quite prepared for love chances are you will have a hard time dealing with side of love that is unpleasant.  I understand that there is no set way to prepare for love but I wanted to share with my audience 7 ways on how to get ready for it, especially, for those who have an immediate desire to be in a romantic relationship.   Before I get into the 7 tips I must stress how important it is to prepare to become your best self in the process.

  1. First things first, you want to take responsibility for your role in your love life.

Take this time to reflect on the role that you played in it.  For instance if you have been attracted to people who were bad communicators and when that problem surfaced you were at a loss for words then I would recommend taking this opportunity to practice expressing yourself in a free way.  Once you become an open communicator you will begin to attract people who share their inner most thoughts with you.

  1. Let go of the baggage that is your negative thoughts

Did you know that what you think affects how you feel, which subsequently, affects how you act?  How do you know when your thoughts are negative?  If they make you feel constricted, stressed, or closed off chances ae your thoughts are negative.  The more were able to realize when these thoughts come into our minds than the more we are able to drop these thoughts so that room can be made for positive thoughts.

  1. Take on the qualities that you seek in another

In order to attract someone with specific qualities and traits that you desire, you must first embody these qualities.  I would recommend choosing 6 qualities you want in a special someone and look within yourself to see if you have these qualities.  If you do not possess them than we have some work to do.

  1. Be open to doing things you were unwilling to do in the past

If you continue to do things the same way, you can expect the same results.  However, if you switch things up, the outcome may be different.  Say for instance you were always against online dating for whatever the reason but then you decided to give it a go.  You may very well find your special someone just by trying something you were not used to doing.

  1. Be okay with uncertainty

You have to be okay with allowing nature to take its course no matter how uncertain it may be.  Don’t get me wrong I think it is great to be clear on what you want and to go after it, but at the same time you have to let what is going to happen, happen.

  1. Visualize through images and feeling the love that you desire

Now is the time more than ever for you to start holding on to the vision and the feelings that come over you when you visualize the love that you so desire.  It will be a big help, especially on the days when you feel you’re loneliest.

  1. Think from a place of love

Make sure the thoughts that you imagine are supportive ones you believe to be loving truths.

I know that it is going to take a whole lot more than thinking, hoping and wishing to have the love that we desire, however if we are able to activate the process  by changing the way that we think than it is a start.  I hope that after reading this blog that your heart will open up once again to the love that you not only deserve but that you also desire.

As always I thank you for reading.  Until next time, take care and be true.







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Beware of Scams

By September 2, 2017 Life, Love, Relationships, Advice, Self Awareness, Truth

Last post I told you that it was hard out here, but today, I also want to let you know that it is a sad world we are also living in.  It’s so sad that there are people out there who are preying on vulnerable populations like the unemployed and promising them a livelihood only to lie and steal from them what little they have.  My friends I would be remissed if I did not share with you the recent scams that are out there that you should be aware of that I personally have been privy to:

  1. False promises from a work-at-home scam

If you are interviewed via google hangout and are hired on the spot essentially, this is a scam.  If they claim that they will send you a check advance to buy your home office, please do not deposit the money into your personal bank account.  I recommend calling the supposed company that the people you have been interacting with come from and speaking to their HR to see if the supposed person is on their hiring staff.  If not, I would immediately report this to the police so that they can go after the perpetrators.  If you provided them with information to send you a check, please provide that check to the authorities with evidence so that they can go after the criminals further.  Before you hand over any money, also make sure you know what information you’re entitled to under the FTC’s Business Opportunity Rule. Doing an online search of the company’s name with the words “complaint,” “reviews,” or “scam” also can be a good way to hear what others have to say.

  1. False promises from a Christian couple to clean their homes for them twice a week Scam

If you are interviewed by a Christian couple via email to become their twice a week house cleaner, then know that this could potentially be a scam.  If they ask for references and find out that no references were ever checked yet they gave you the job anyways beware.  If they send you a check advance to buy cleaning supplies and to pay you for one week’s worth of work that you have yet to do, be cautious.  Do not deposit that check because it will be a fraudulent check.  If you manage to deposit the check they will then ask you to do a Walmart to Walmart transfer.  Do not do it.  You can recover your funds by the bank just recovering that money that they honored cashing for you. When in doubt google it is the best advice that I could give to this creative scam.

I know there are so much more scams that exist out there but I had to speak on the ones that I was aware of and that I could have been victim to or was victim to.  I really wanted to share this post with my audience to spread awareness and to also let people know that they are not alone if a scam has happened to them.  Please be vocal and reach out to authorities so there can be a stop made to these heartless people.   As always I thank you for reading, take care and be true.

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The State of Today’s jobs

By August 12, 2017 Life, Love, Relationships, Advice, Self Awareness, Truth

Man listen when I tell you it is hard out here! People are out here either still jobless, or losing jobs.  What is it about today’s work culture that has us in this jobless state?  Now after doing some research it seems that companies big and small and I want to emphasize small, are finding each hire that they make to be crucial to their overall success as a company.  Now what are the expectations of any company who is making a crucial hire look like?  Companies are becoming more stringent on personality traits than on required skills or anything else.  It is in my belief that companies now are realizing that hard skills can get anyone a job but it is the soft skills that will keep them there.  Now what do I mean by all of that?  Companies have wizen up due to having high turn overs or declined revenue that it does not fully matter that a candidate have all of the required skills what matters most is that their personality traits are suitable to the company. What are the personality traits that employers are looking for do you ask? In this blog post we are going to explore the top 7 personality traits of what I like to call an ideal employee.

Now it does not matter the industry, pay, age, or sex, all ideal employees share some of the following common traits.

  1. Action Driven

As an employee you want to take chances through your actions.  Now I know that with every chance comes risk.  What matters is what taking chances bring out in you, which are confidence and the desire to generate new ideas.


  1. Intelligent

Intelligence is not all there is but it is a strong foundation for success.


  1. Autonomous

As an employee you want to be able to get the job done without having to ask 20 questions.


  1. Display leadership

See yourself being a significant part of the company to the point where you can see yourself leading future employees.  With self-confidence leadership begins.


  1. Cultural fit

It is really simple ask yourself if you will enjoy working with your supervisor(s) on a daily basis or with the other employees?


  1. Be upbeat

Go into work with a fresh and energetic attitude.  Be optimistic.


  1. Be passionate

Lastly you have got to be passionate about the work you do.  Employees who are passionate have said that they feel like they haven’t worked a day in their lives.  Make sure you are enjoying the journey when pursing that end goal.


If you are jobless or not I hope you were able to take something away with you from this blog post.  May this little bit of insight into what employers are looking for help to position you in a positive direction when it comes to landing your next gig?  As always I thank you for reading.  Until next time take care and be true.




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How to Fight Fairly

By July 29, 2017 Life, Love, Relationships, Advice, Self Awareness, Truth

See I have this theory on the state of marriage that I would like to pose as a question:  What if the people in marriages all around the world learned how to fight fairly, then what state would marriage be in?  I venture to think that there would be an impressive decline in marriages that end in divorce.  Part of the reason why so many adults and young people alike are in unhealthy marriages that have a high probability of ending in divorce is because someone or both parties in the relationship have a false sense of what real love is.  See real love is not when two people remember birthdays, milestones, anniversaries, and who NEVER fight. “NEVER fight” now that my friend is unreal in my opinion.  When you have two individuals who have chosen to come together to be one in the context of a marriage there are bound to be disagreements and arguments even.  What matters the most is that both parties learn how to fight fairly.  In this article we are going to learn the do’s and don’ts about what it takes for any loving couple to fight fairly.

Don’t be scared of conflict

When there is conflict there is an opportunity for growth.  When you are doing “life” with someone there are going to be disagreements and sometimes more of them then we would like, but conflict is normal, healthy and sometimes necessary when there is something important at stake.  We cannot be fearful of conflict because it provides us with the opportunity to see each other, to notice each other and to learn from each other.

Do attack the issue and not each other

It really is that simple, we have got to attack the issue at hand as opposed to each other.  If we begin to do things like calling names and bringing each other down to get ahead of the argument, then we are losing sight of what is important and causing an enormous potential for scars.

Don’t mix up the topics with the issue

If you continue to fight over different things but you find that you end up at the same issue (i.e. money, trust), then that issue is where it is at and where the work needs to be done.  You see it’s not the topics or what I like to call the little things that matter.  The issue is what matters and until you deal with it, the little things i.e. the topics will most likely bring you all the way back to the initial issue at hand.  You have got to give proper due to the issue to let go of the hold that it has on your relationship, whether that is time to speak on the issue or not, validation, acknowledgement, an apology, or reassurance.

Do stay present with the issue

Do bring up relevant details to prove your point.  It really is the only way to keep your argument on track so you don’t forget what you are fighting about.

Don’t yell

The moment you start yelling, the argument becomes no longer constructive because no one is being heard.  When this happens step away from the argument and pick a time and place to revisit the conversation.

Do stay away from ‘you always’ and ‘you never’

When we use words like ‘you always’ or ‘you never’ we are making a false generalization because nobody is ‘always’ or ‘never’ anything.  When we use generalizations as such we are only adding fuel to an already lit fire.  We want to instead stay specific and give examples of what we mean.

I could go on and on with the do’s and don’ts but I won’t.  I wanted to give you the top 6 do’s and don’ts of fighting fairly so that you can have the opportunity to apply some of what was shared.  Listen fighting is inevitable.  If you are in a loving relationship with someone there are bound to be disagreements….that is just the nature of the beast.  What I hope readers were able to take from this article is that fighting fairly is a powerful thing.  It is truly in my opinion the only way that relationships are able to be brought closer and essentially how people get what they want.  Learning how to fight fairly solidifies your relationship because if you can come out on the other end wiser and better for it….it is worth the effort.  As always I thank you for reading….until next time.  Take care and be true.


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When is Enough…Enough?

By July 22, 2017 Life, Love, Relationships, Advice, Self Awareness, Truth

So you find yourself at the end of the crossroad and you are faced with making the hardest of hard decisions.  What happens when you have no more fight in you because you are just tired of being tired?  When do you decide when enough is enough?

Do you continue to listen to popular culture with all the messages they inundate us with about relationships: see the good in people , relationships are work, rise above, pick your battles, and don’t have too many expectations or do you instead not put up with anyone’s disrespect, take care of you , set limits, leave abuse.  The messaging becomes convoluted with all our decisions on how to properly set boundaries in the relationships.  When is it the right time to leave our relationship?  In this blog we are going to explore that question of when is enough…enough?

Now I know it is not easy to choose to leave a relationship but sometimes it could very well be the best decision for you and your said family (if you have one).  Someone once said, “Relationships are like glass.  Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than to hurt yourself trying to put it back together.

  1. Does your relationship scream toxicity in anyway?

If so, consider leaving or seeking outside help to alleviate the toxicity.

  1. Do their actions not align with their words?

Anyone can contradict themselves once or twice even.  After all we are humans that sometimes make mistakes.  It’s the consistent behavior that really tells someone how they feel about you.  If someone is telling you they want to reconcile with you yet their actions are not at all becoming where for instance you find that they are staying out late or not coming home at all.  What does that really say about their desire to reconcile?  We have got to start trusting actions because that is where the truth lives.

  1. Do you often make excuses for them to yourself and to others?

If you find yourself in this position, then chances are the behavior that you are trying to explain away is consistently unacceptable.  A friend of mind and I am sure myself and many included can relate to a man that is not ready to fully commit to you and where you find yourself making excuses for that man by saying “Oh he is just not ready, he had a hard childhood, and he’s not had examples in his life where commitment was valued.” Even though all these things can be true…at the end of the day they are all excuses as to why he or she will not commit.

  1. Does this person flip things on you, as if their actions are your fault?

It’s hard to decipher unacceptable and consistent actions when you have somehow convinced yourself that you are responsible for them.  For instance your partner may consistently ignore you and you may think it’s because you are too needy.  From that said example you may be justifying their mistreatment because they try to make you feel like “you are in the wrong” or like “you are the crazy one”.   No one should ever make you feel like that….your weaknesses should not become an excuse to intimidate or disparage you.  Your significant other should be there to uplift you in every which way.

If you answered yes to any of these previously stated questions than it could very well be that time in your relationship where enough is enough and you have to make the decision to stay, set boundaries, or to go and move on.  Nobody deserves to be in an unhealthy relationship.  The question becomes now: can you be kind to yourself and walk away from what you know isn’t right?”  As always I thank you for reading.  Take care and be true.



I want to thank those who come back week after week.  I am sorry I have not written in a few weeks.  I have been doing life and it has been really busy.  I recently got engaged.  I know right….HUGE NEWS….and well things have been a whirlwind ever since.  I hope to be back on track so please continue to stop in to read the latest blog.  Thank you again Truthstars!


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How to Stand By your Convictions?

By June 24, 2017 Life, Love, Relationships, Advice, Self Awareness, Truth

If one were to stop and think about the world we live in and all that is going on in it, then he or she would see that it’s a pretty messed up place.  It’s so messed up that you will find that people no longer live by their convictions.  What you will find instead is people doing whatever they deem seems “right in their own eyes”.  It was so long ago that I can really recall standing by my convictions.

When I was in high school I will never forget the lesson that I learned regarding the message: Stand up for what you believe to be true and important.  During the time, I was fortunate enough to be taking a college preparatory writing class for college credit.  The teacher asked us as a final writing project to write a persuasive essay on anything that we wanted.  I was excited and eager to write about something that was important and that really mattered to me.  I chose, therefore, to write about a topic that I later would discover was a dissenting opinion when I wrote about the don’ts of school dress codes and how it was being targeted towards ethnic backgrounds.  I took a look specifically at cultural head wraps and how there was no validity as to why they could not be worn in school.  To support my research, I chose to do a school survey on the topic.  By the end of the day what began as a school survey got to the school administration that it was a petition.  Because of the so called petition, I had my presidency of the Diversity Club taken away from me and unfortunately when I lost my presidency the club was also dissolved, which left all the participants of the program who were also my friends very angry and confused.  My friends were so angry that they did not know who else to take out their frustration on but me.  Many chose for this reason to not be my friend anymore.  How can an innocent survey for an academic project have such risk I kept thinking to myself?  Although I was very hurt and stressed at the time, I stood by my convictions and finished writing that persuasive paper even after all the ramifications that came from it.

I share all that to say it is funny how the younger Gessie was so fearless and could stand up for what I believed to be important.  I am not quite certain when the shift happens but I find it somewhat challenging to stand by my convictions in my 30’s.  I am constantly reevaluating what battles are worth the fight, which values and beliefs are worth some sacrifice and trying to figure out how best I can stand up for them.

The question becomes, “who is willing to take the risk?” Whether you are in the classroom, on the playground, or in the workforce there is some risk involved.  If you are a student in the classroom you could be risking an incorrect answer; while on the playground you can run the risk of encountering a giant bully; and you could risk losing your job for questioning mistreatment of a fellow employee.  It really, from these examples, becomes hard to do in the world.  If we really stop and think about things from a grand scheme, we will see that there is always something at risk.  Question becomes are you willing to take a risk because of something or someone you firmly believe is worth fighting for?

I know this may sound intimidating, but know that you are not alone.  I want to offer a few ways in which one might stand by their convictions.

  1. Lift up your voice

Each and every one of us since birth was gifted with a voice.  At every opportunity you should be using your voice to speak on behalf of what you believe to be true and of value to you.  Write letters to your Congress Representative, attend and or speak up at a community forum, vote in elections both big and small.

  1. Money, money, money, money

Money, whether we like it or not, talks.  We should be the stewards of what that money says by giving our money to an organization that does what we feel so strongly for.  If you firmly believe that feeding the hungry is important, then consider giving to an organization whose mission is to feed the hungry.

  1. Your time

Did you know that how we spend our time mirrors what we value?  Yep! So don’t underestimate the power that your time holds.  Again if you care for the hungry think about volunteering or working for an organization that make it their business to address the problems surrounding hunger.

Who ever said standing up for your convictions would be easy was telling a bold face lie.  Standing up for our convictions is difficult, but it is our calling as children of God.  Will we fall short of that calling at times?  Absolutely! But with each fall comes opportunities to reevaluate just what it is we hold to be true and worthy causes.  As always I thank you for reading.  Until next time, take care and be true!

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How to Raise Emotionally Intelligent Children

By June 10, 2017 Life, Love, Relationships, Advice, Self Awareness, Truth

As a parent, I can honestly say that I want the best for my child.  I want my child to grow up and live a happy and fulfilling life.  However, there have been many times when I have and I am sure many others have questioned some of our parenting choices.  The big question often times is are we or aren’t we doing this whole parenting thing right.  The truth is our dreams, hopes and fears about parenting very well may never go away but we ought to be comforted in knowing that we don’t have to rely on hope alone.  There are plenty of science based roadmaps on how to raise well rounded and emotionally intelligent children.  In this blog post we are going to learn some tips on how to raise emotionally intelligent children, children who are equipped with intellectual skills needed to succeed in school and life.

Tip 1:


Listen patiently; often times all your child really needs is to be heard.  Once a little person is able to release their emotions, he or she can move on.  But in order to for your child to feel like they can share you have to be fully present to listen.  And before you jump to solve the problem it is best to just listen.

Tip 2:

Put a name to feelings

Since young children are still building on their vocabulary it is best at every opportune time to encourage your child to build an emotional vocabulary by providing him or her with labels of their feelings as you mimic them back to him or her.  For instance, if your child seems disappointed because he or she didn’t get to go to “Chuck e Cheese” you can then say, “I noticed that you are feeling said and that is okay”

Tip 3:

Validate Emotions

Do not and I repeat do not dismiss your child’s emotions.  You always want to encourage them to just feel their emotions.  To express ones emotions is the best way to overcome that said feeling.  If your child decides he or she wants to be emotional or to feel negative emotions, allow it, because it is all a part of growing up.  Make sure you are taking that know fact into account before you go to disregard their feelings or lead them to believe that their feelings are bad.  What will consequently happen is it will send to your child the message that he or she is bad and that perception can often stay with a child into adulthood.

Tip 4:

Choose to connect in the wake of negative emotions

When your child is experiencing negative emotions utilize that time as a chance to connect, to grow, and to heal.  It’s often difficult for children to control their emotions right?  That is why it is important at every opportunity to stay loving, compassionate, and kind.  If you find that your child is frustrated because they couldn’t wake up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom and consequently wet the bed, then try saying something like, “I noticed that you are frustrated, I completely get it.”  Let them know that you can understand where they are coming from.

Tip 5

Encourage your child to set limits and to problem solve

Very early on in our child’s development we should be encouraging them that they are capable of self-regulating themselves especially in a world that seems unfair.  At every opportunity remind them that all emotions are acceptable but all behaviors are not.  A great example of setting limits all while problem solving would be to say, “I realize you are upset, but it is not okay to hit.  How can we better express our feelings without hitting next time?”  With this example your child can begin to think of alternative ways to navigate their feelings all while knowing that not all behaviors are acceptable.

When you are a parent you can feel defeated and unappreciated at times because it is a challenging and never ending job.  If you try the tips suggested, your child will have the tools needed to navigate through school and life.  As always, I thank you for reading.  Until next time, take care and be true.






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This is Me

By May 27, 2017 Life, Love, Relationships, Advice, Self Awareness, Truth

This is Me

This is me being the more that I want

This is me feeling a level of permanency in wanting more

There is nothing temporary about it

This is me plunging into my desires

This is me taking my life in an upward direction

This is me going after what I want

This is me smiling from ear to ear

This is me living the treasures found in each day

All while saying freely, feeling boldly, plunging deeply, choosing intently, taking honestly, going permanently, smiling brightly, and living whole heartedly.

This is me

choosing me


Inside the Poets thoughts

This is me is a recent poem that I was inspired to write based on just where I am in my life right now.  What is that place do you ask?  I am at a place of knowing: I know enough about who I am to know that before I can do; I must first be.  I realized, in order to do; I-had-to-be.  Now I know to many this sounds like a riddle or a cliché saying but to me this is real life.  I had to arrive at the realization that before I could do anything to change the world, I had to first become the change that I wanted to see in the world.  I had to stop making excuses for myself as to why I was not reaching or aiming to reach my best self.  I could no longer feel sorry for myself for not arriving at the many milestones that others would deem make you “quote on quote” successful. I put a halt to all things mediocre and focused instead on greatness.  I focused on the great things that, I now, believed that I deserved and I pushed forward.  I met each day with a smile, took nothing for granted, and I looked for life’s daily treasures.  Now I know that I am not quite where I want to be but if I were to look back on just a few months, I could see that I am not where I used to be ….and that my friend is a cause for celebration. If there is anybody out there that is longing for more I am here to tell you that it is yours to take.  The world is your oyster.  You are deserving of all things great.  You just have to be the thing that you want to see in the world, and then you can start to do what needs doing.  As always I thank you for reading.   Until next time, take care and be true.

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10 Pieces of Advice to Live By

By May 20, 2017 Life, Love, Relationships, Advice, Self Awareness, Truth
  • Listen to the voice that sits at your core that tells you to follow your dream.
  • Best advice ever heard: Don’t take advice; pay attention.
  • Do good to others and others will do good to you.
  • Know who you are; be the authentic you; be grounded; and honor yourself.
  • Learn to be okay with knowing that we don’t all have to be one thing.
  • Let us feel our pulse and be proud of who we are and what we do.
  • Believe that there is a reason why you are here and make it your business to find out what that reason is that you are here.
  • Allow your life to be fueled by your being….and your being will then fuel your doing.
  • Life is fleeting so while you are here do your best to love in every kind of way.
  • Follow your gut instinct.

Before I leave you, in the comments section below I want to hear from you the best advice that you have heard that you now live by.  Okay now 1 2 3 and go (let us flood the comments section).  As always I thank you for reading.  Until next time, take care and be true.


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