Gessie Belizaire This Life I Live in Truth

How to be a Friend

By May 7, 2017 Life, Love, Relationships, Advice, Self Awareness, Truth

Friends, we all have them, have different definitions for them, and would even agree that they are usually easier made than kept…My mother always told me if you have one good friend in your life than you are doing well for yourself.  If you have one friend that is there for you and possibly doing life with you in essence, then that my friend is a win that is priceless.  In this blog we are going to find out what it takes to be a good friend forever and even on days when it may not be so easy.

  1. Be true to your word

Do not get or make it a habit to make promises that you do not intend to keep.  Now do not get me wrong, I understand that life will happen to you at a time where an unforeseen circumstance will make you have to break a promise.  Should that scenario happen, be open and honest in your communication to the person you made the promise to.

  1. Be dependable

To be dependable is one of the most important aspects of being a good friend.  It means that as a good friend you are to behave in a consistent and trustworthy way.  Nobody likes a flake.  If you say you are going to do something, then it is your responsibility to follow through.

  1. Know when to say sorry when you have made a mistake

If you have made a mistake do not be in denial about it; own up to that fact that you are not flawless.

  1. Be honest

If you want to have people trust you and also be a good friend you have to be honest.  You have to be honest in your communication with your friend.  If you are upset, share that.  If you are sad, share that.  And if you are happy share that as well.

  1. Be real

Be yourself.  I cannot stress that enough.  Make sure you are investing in friendships where you can be 100% yourself.  If your friendship lacks realness, then it will not last.

  1. Be a good listener

Make sure to listen as much as you talk when in conversation with your friend.  When we listen, we open up space between the both of us and it reassures our friend that we care.

  1. Be there to help your friend deal with struggles

When your friend is having a tough time you have got to be there to show up for them.  Be supportive in any way possible: if it requires you to lend a shoulder to cry on…lend it.  If it calls on you provide advice to them, well by all means advice, and if you have to seek professional help for them, then do it.

There are so much more tips that I could offer you on how to be a good friend but I chose the seven that were most important and helpful to me.  I hope that you have enjoyed this entry.  May you experience true and lasting friendships in your life.  Until next time, take care and be true.

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How to be a Light onto the World

By April 29, 2017 Life, Love, Relationships, Advice, Self Awareness, Truth

“You are the light of the world.  A town built on a hill cannot be hidden.  Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl.  Instead they put it on a stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house.  In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your father in heaven.” (Matthew 5:14-16, New International Version)

How many people can relate to the above passage?  And how many of those people have for one reason or another forgotten that they are the light of the world due to the people or circumstances in their life that have dimmed their light? A bad boss, an abusive partner, a disrespectful child, a debilitating disease are just some examples of how someone’s light can be dimmed.   After all what good is light if it is dim?  Does the light still serve its purpose when dim?  The answer to that question is no; light must shine If it wants to fulfill its purpose.

We are called to allow our light to shine on others.  If we as individuals choose to allow people and or circumstances to determine that we are inadequate to shine, then we are allowing those people and or circumstances to determine that we will not fulfill our purpose.  Our very purpose in life is to shine.  Every day with our light and purpose we are to dispel darkness.  And you want to know what…it does not take much to dispel darkness.  If one match can light up a whole dark room, then surely your one act of kindness can do just the same.

The way we live and act in the world should be reflective of His word, purpose, and will.  Even if you are not a believer, you and I can show that we are a light on to the world by treating everyone we come across with the same love, grace and compassion that He has shown us or the way we would want to also receive love, grace, and compassion.

Before I close, I can’t help but think of my favorite quote right now by Marianne Williamson when I think of this topic of being a light onto the world.  In it she says, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.  Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.  We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?  Actually, who are you not to be?  We were born to manifest the glory of God that is within us.  And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same” Bottom line is we should not be afraid to be the greatest version of ourselves.  We also can’t be afraid to shine by fulfilling our purpose.  Do you know how contagious being a light onto the world can be to so many others?  The possibilities are endless.  As always I thank you for reading.  Until next time, take care and be true.

#thislifeiliveintruth

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I Want to say…

By April 23, 2017 Life, Love, Relationships, Advice, Self Awareness, Truth

All I want to do is say that I was here

When I leave this world

I want to say that I made a difference

From the way that I spoke to the way that I moved in this world

I want to say that I left the world just a little better

And I want to do it without ever really saying anything

I want my actions to speak for themselves

I want to say that I lived

I want to say that I loved

I want to say that I laid everything out there on the table until I died

Do you to want to say that you were here?

Do you want to live a life of purpose and impact?  If yes please sign up for my free e-course on finding your purpose.  Click here to register.  As always I thank you for reading. Until next time, take care and be true.

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How to Live a Life of Impact

By April 15, 2017 Life, Love, Relationships, Advice, Self Awareness, Truth

John Piper once said, “God is always doing 10,000 things in your life, and you may be aware of three of them.”  Can you imagine just three?  Ordinary people will recognize three of the 10,000 things in their lives that the Lord is doing, but I believe that the Lord calls on us to be more than ordinary.  In point, He calls on me and you as his children to live an extra-ordinary life of impact.

Matter of fact I will never forget the time in 2007 when He called on me in a dream to live an extraordinary life of impact.  The dream as I can remember it was a directive from God or a higher power I felt, telling me to “wake up and to be grateful for the things that I have and so much so that I should be giving back.”  Can you imagine, at 20, having such a dream?  At that immediate time I could not even believe the dream out of fear, but once I let go of the fear, I was no longer afraid to carry out the directive that was given to me in a dream.  I went on to raise awareness  and funding about forgotten issues of the world that stem from inequality, poverty, race, health, and natural disasters with a group that I founded known as Students about the Business of Change on the campus of the University of Rhode Island.  The Lord called on me then and He is calling on me now to live an extraordinary life of impact just as He is calling on you!  I am sure that you are screaming at the top of your lungs right now but how…how do I even begin to live a life of impact.

I would say that the answer is simple but it is not in the sense that there is not one way to arrive at living a life of great impact, but I know it is simpler than you think.  First thing is first you want to ask yourself the following questions:

  • How is your life right now?
  • Are you living a life of great impact or rather an average one at that?
  • Are you satisfied with where you are on your life journey, or are you asking God to open new doors for you?
  • Have you been misappropriating the resources God placed in your life?
  • Do you want to live an extraordinary life for His glory or for your pleasure?

After you have answered those questions honestly we can move on to the real work that needs to take place.

The real work calls on you to do the following:

  1. You have got to amplify your vision

Stop thinking small.  Our God is a great God and there is nothing too small or too great for Him to achieve.  Our God is big so I encourage you to increase your faith to match your mighty God, who can do amazing things.

  1. Know that your true identity rests in Him

In the image of God, you my friend were created to live on this earth for His glory, where He saved you and your true identity rests in knowing that.

  1. Define your self-image

Look yourself in the mirror and ask yourself the following:

  • What do I want my life to really look like or become?
  • As a person, what kind do I want to be?
  • How can I serve God greater?

By answering these questions you will be able to define and to visualize what your extraordinary life is supposed to encompass and embody.

  1. Know that you are not your past

To overcome the past, you have to start by knowing that you are not your past failures.  As a member of the flesh have you or will you sin? Of course, but the Lord has forgiven you so it’s time that you forgive yourself.

  1. Break the expected routine of your life

You know that same old job that you are doing, that same bad decision, that same bad attitude that you have…just that same, same, same break it and dare to do something different that goes beyond the ordinary.

  1. Prepare

It is really just that simple….you have to prepare for an opportunity and for success by:

  • Searching for new ways to get what you want out of life
  • Once you have determined which opportunity to pursue begin planting seeds in your area
  • And focus on managing your area on a weekly basis
  1. Leave a legacy of impact

Albert Pike once said, “What we have done for ourselves alone dies with us, what we have done for others and the world, remains and is immortal.” From that quote I gather that our lives are meant to be a blessing to other people.  Our purpose in life is to direct people to know the Savior, to worship God and to fellowship with other believers and to minister to others around the world.  When we come to the realization that our lives are not for us, it is then that we truly begin to life a life of tremendous impact.

As always I thank you for reading.  Until next time, take care and be true.

 

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Chit Chat on Following your Passion

By April 10, 2017 Life, Love, Relationships, Advice, Self Awareness, Truth

When I wake up in the morning I am fortunate enough that I know where my next meal is coming from,  I know how I will get to work , and I know that I will have a place to rest my head that evening when I get home.  What I do not know yet is how I will live off of my passion in life.  Up until recently I did not even know what I was passionate about.  It took some real, deep, honest soul searching until I was able to get to the point where I could take keystroke to keystroke and communicate with you, my virtual audience, about subjects that matter to me…like how to find and to follow your passion.  And if I can be real with you, while on my quest to finding and to following my passion I came to realize that no self-defining activity that I love can be a lifelong plan that essentially will produce my purpose.  I can write and write and write until I am blue in the face but it will not take me to my purpose.  It can help but it will not take me there.

It was not until I got honest with myself and my life did I come to realize what in essence is important to me.  I had to search deep within and to ask my maker what His plan was for my life.  I had to understand that until I put Him first in all that I did, nothing would work.  If I did not learn to put Him first, then I knew that I would be farther away from discovering what His plan and essentially what He would have my life purpose be on this earth.  I know that while His plan for my life is still being revealed to me that I am going to live my life in glory of Him.

I know that I am going to live my life authentically.  I am going to be honest about my life and how I choose to live in it.  I also know that I am going to use my platform on This Life I Live in Truth to share those experiences with others while also discovering myself and following my heart.  They say, “The most wonderful adventures in life are the ones that are unplanned.”  I did not plan to become a blogger but I am one and the experience I must say has been an excellent one to date.

Before I leave you I want to hear from my readers, what has your experience been like while on your quest to discovering your purpose?

As always I thank you for reading. Until next time, take care and be true.

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How to Overcome the Fear of Getting in Front of an Audience

By April 1, 2017 Life, Love, Relationships, Advice, Self Awareness, Truth

Presentation day is here and instead of looking over your notes, you are spending that time in and out of a toilet trying to push out all of your nerves.  Your head is spinning, your palms are sweaty, your eyes are twitching, and your nerves are shot… if only you can get through this presentation.  Many people experience these symptoms of fear when they are tasked to get in front of an audience to speak.  If you are among the many, then you are in luck, today we are going to learn a few tips on how to overcome the fear of getting in front of an audience.  It must be noted that the absence of complete fear may not happen when it comes to speaking publically.  After all a little bit of fear is positively healthy.

Stop using outdated scripts

Sometimes we get stuck on an idea of our past self that we fail to realize who we have become.  Well what I am really trying to say is before you are quick to utter the following script, “Where you tell yourself that you are not good at X, Y, Z, which could include public speaking.”  Let us make sure that we are basing it on where we are now and not where we were say 7 years ago.  I can remember thinking to myself that I am not an expert every time I had to speak, I bet that was true when I was 23, but I failed to realize that I now have a master’s degree in research, am a published author/journalist who could now through research be an expert on any said topic.  I realized I was using an outdated script for myself where in my mind; I was preventing myself from moving forward.

Find a place to practice that is safe

The quickest way to get better at speaking in front of an audience is to just do it in a safe place.  A place where like-minded individuals who want to also get better at speaking could be around you and could give you constructive feedback.  Many sign up for Toastmasters to achieve that safe practicing place, but it is really up to you.  Just as long as the stakes aren’t high when you practice speaking, you will get more comfortable and better at it.

Get out there

It is as simple as that…even if you are not quite ready actively seek speaking engagements and just get out there.

Learn from the experts

Watch the best of the best in action when it comes to public speaking, take notes if you have to, and just learn from them.

I hope these tips have been helpful to you.  Good luck on our next speaking engagement. Until next time Take care and be true.

#thislifeiliveintruth

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I Could Not Sleep

By March 25, 2017 Life, Love, Relationships, Advice, Self Awareness, Truth

I could not sleep so I am up now writing.  I have not even fully processed my thoughts enough to know what this entry will be about, but I feel moved to write.  It was during the week of March 9th that I found out a college friend of mine suddenly passed away.  It stirred in me some emotions and it even struck in me questions that I would want to ask of myself before that time came.  I was sad that he was gone but glad to have known him.  The out pouring of love that came as a result of his passing was magnificent to witness.  When you do life right and 45 minutes at a time as he would have it, how could you not receive that amount of love! I began to ask of myself, was I living the kind of life that would merit that kind of an outpouring?  After meeting people, how did I make them feel?  Was I leaving a lasting and positive impression on others?  Were just some of the many questions that came rushing in my mind.

At the end of the day when everything is all said and done, I do not want to have to ask for more time with loved ones.  Wait….What?  Please hear me out; I want to live my life so intentionally that family and close friends and spending time with them is my priority.  Many times we get so busy and caught up with life, work, events and things that we begin to race this imaginary clock where more time with loved ones is our wish because we did not make enough time for it while we were living.  Let me tell you something that I learned tonight and continue to learn over and over again.  For everyone out there who is grieving and struggling with loss, know this, “Our God is an intentional God and He makes no mistakes…None.”  I know we may not realize it while we are in the midst of the pain, but just know that God will reveal what he knows through the mercy and grace that he has over our lives.

Even in the midst of our weakness, He is strong.  You will see, God will use us not despite our weaknesses but through our weaknesses.  If …your friend, your significant other, your mother, your sister, your brother, your cousin, your auntie, your uncle, and your etc. has passed and you are at your weakest point just know that beautiful things will come from it.  The Lord/higher power will use us while we are right in the middle of our weakness.  Who knows…Susie’s death may spark in you the desire to do research to find the cure for the disease that took her life, Tyrell’s death may cause you to live your life more intentionally, and Robin’s death may invigorate in you an old passion to sing.  Point is with every dark event like death there is always light to be shown.  There is always a light at the end of the tunnel.  The goodness of life will prevail…you just have to believe.  As always I thank you for reading.  Until next time…take care and be true!

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Project: Color me Beautiful – Take Care

By March 18, 2017 Life, Love, Relationships, Advice, Self Awareness, Truth

 

August of 2011 shuck me to the core…I will never forget that time in my life because it was the first time I was hospitalized for an extended period of time.  Diagnosis: Over exhaustion…mental breakdown.

While at the hospital, I could recall looking at myself in the mirror and not liking nor recognizing the image that was staring back at me.  I was looking at a living corpse and sadly I do not understand how I could allow myself to get to that point.  How could I have let myself go so much that I could lose twelve pounds in just one week and allow the stress of it all to dry out my breast milk…. “for goodness sake I was now someone’s mother.”  As I stood in the mirror, wearing me was an old green staff t-shirt from my wonderful days working as a Resident Assistant at the University of Rhode Island and on my bottom were grey Victoria’s Secret leggings.  To my recollection, the leggings were baggy but snug enough that I could see that in between my legs was the biggest thigh gap known to man. I was weighing in at 101 pounds while standing at 5 feet and 2.5 inches.  I remember being told that my discharge was partially contingent on my gaining back the weight that I had lost (no pressure, right?) Again, how did I get to this point?

So what could make a 24 year old experience their first ever mental breakdown do you ask?  If I am being honest with myself, I think it was experiencing so many firsts and changes, some of which dramatic, all at the same time.  In 2011 alone, I gave birth to my first child, went through a bit of postpartum depression, landed my first real full time job, graduated from graduate school with a master’s degree, lived through a house fire, a minor earthquake and being homeless for one month.  I was also feeling many firsts; I felt like I was in a fairly new relationship romantically to be having to do forever with that person as a co-parent when we had yet to master the art of how to fight fairly or to love each other right.  I did not know how to handle all those changes and what others would call major milestones and tragedies in my life all at once.  I don’t think in a lifetime that anyone should have to remember having to dangle their then four month old out of a third floor window just to have the firemen send up a ladder to save his or her family and friends from a raging fire just three weeks after graduating from a master’s program.  To go from extreme happiness and feelings of great accomplishment to being in shock with so many unknowns lingering over your head weeks later was tough.  Although I was grateful to be alive, I just could not stop thinking of how close my newborn, my man, 2 close friends, and I came to the end.

The month after the fire was rather stressful; I was living out of a hotel with my nuclear family and commuting over an hour and a half to my fairly new job.  I was doing my best to keep things together and as normal as possible but slowly I was unraveling and it was all at the risk of my own health.  I was so busy trying to care for others that I stopped caring for myself.  I had forgotten how to eat properly, to exercise and to sleep when needed.  I can just hear Mariah Carey’s song lyrics about needing to get some sleep. “…ohhh I got to get me some sleep…” in my head. I went nearly seven days without sleep before I ended up in the hospital. It is amazing to see first-hand how the lack of sleep can affect your life and health.  I was hearing voices because of it, I was paranoid, and I could no longer take care of myself, my hygiene, or my infant daughter.  I was going crazy literally.  I had to be medically induced to sleep to begin my recovery.

It was in my recovery process; while I was art therapy to be specific, did the concept for Project Color Beautiful come alive.  While coloring and putting together a beautiful collage, I could remember thinking if only I could also color my insides beautifully how much better the world and my life would be.  I wanted to go through a triumphant recovery and I knew I could not do it if I did not look at this as a glass half full rather than a glass half empty experience.  I wanted to find real true purpose in life again; I wanted to gain back the weight; I wanted to recommit my life to taking care of myself…”If I didn’t work, nothing else could.” I believe Dr. Maya Angelou once uttered those same words.  Once I understood that I knew that I could help others to reach a similar understanding through their own stories.  Once I was able to relearn how to take care of myself, I was then able to color myself and my life more beautifully.

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Am I Good Enough?

By March 11, 2017 Life, Love, Relationships, Advice, Self Awareness, Truth

Have you ever felt forced by life to ask yourself, “Am I good enough?”  For one reason or another you may be feeling like you aren’t good enough for him/her; like you aren’t good enough for your parents; like you aren’t good enough for your kids; like you aren’t good enough for your friends; or just plain aren’t good enough for yourself.  You feel inadequate and you don’t quite know why and to top that off you are beating yourself up for every little thing.  If these words are you please keep reading.

Hi Mr., Ms., Mrs. ‘I’m not good enough’ please stop and tell yourself today, no right now, that you are good enough…PERIOD!  You are good enough for him/her, you are good enough for your parents, you are good enough for your kids, you are good enough for your friends, and most importantly you are good enough for yourself.  Please know that, live by that, and breathe that known fact.

I need you to know that feelings of inadequacy are okay if you acknowledge that emotion and learn to move on from it.  To move on from it you must learn to quiet the voices of doubt and learn to replace them with words of affirmation.  Words like I am good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, strong enough, will go a long way especially if you are feeling like you are having a bad day.  You cannot just quit when you are feeling inadequate; all the more reason to fight the good fight.

I was once told that for every yin there is a yang and I would like to follow up that phrase by adding that for every bad emotion that you are feeling there is much good emotions waiting to be felt.  Remember that, cling on to that statement, especially if it’s during a moment where you are feeling like a failure.  It will help you to get to a better place where you can receive those good emotions.  Trust me I know I have been there, can write the book, and own the t-shirt to match lol. No but really, on a serious note,  I know that it is going to be hard to imagine getting to a better place when you are going  through the mess but it will be worth it because you have and always will be enough.

Remember always that you are enough.  I wish enough for everyone reading.  I wish you enough laughter to power over the tears in your life.  I wish you enough sun shining days to shelter out the storms that will come in your life.  I wish you enough of everything.

Until next time,

Take care and be true

#thislifeiliveintruth

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Reaction Post: #Hurtbae

By March 4, 2017 Life, Love, Relationships, Advice, Self Awareness, Truth

How many of you have seen the viral video known as #hurtbae this week?  Well if you have not seen it watch it now and I will catch you up to speed.  The video documents real life ex’s Kourtney and Leonard confronting each other about their past hurts in the relationship.  The short video focuses on the constant cheating that happened in the relationship that eventually ended it.  The video depicted a vulnerable Kourtney and a cool, calm and collected Leonard.  Many people including myself felt for the raw emotions we saw #hurtbae displaying, while others could not understand why such a beautiful woman could stand for such blatant disrespect through the constant cheating that she endured at the hands of Leonard.

As far as Leonard is concerned, many thought he was unemotional and just plain right did not care that he hurt Kourtney.  Now look I really don’t want to get in between a relationship amongst strangers I probably will never meet but I do want to talk about the discussion this video has sparked.  I am sure now more than ever we want to know, “why do men cheat?”  Why?

In a psych blog written by Robert Weiss, we find out what some of the real reasons as to why men cheat.  They are as following:

  1. Insecurity – He may feel like he is not enough in many ways i.e.: handsome enough, rich enough, smart enough, powerful enough, etc. Cheating is usually what alleviates any cheaters insecurity because it makes him feel validated, wanted, desired and worthy.
  2. Entitlement – Plain and simple he feels like he deserves something special like a little side action.
  3. Selfishness – His primary concern in the relationship has and will always be himself and himself alone.
  4. Psychological Trauma – There may be unresolved childhood trauma that may have happened to him i.e.: neglect, emotional/physical abuse that has him unable or willing to commit to one person.
  5. Unrealistic Expectations – He has these strong beliefs about his partner that she should fulfill his every desire, sexual and otherwise, 24/7, no matter what. When these strong beliefs are not met, he seeks validation and fulfillment elsewhere.

I could list a few more reasons why men may cheat but I won’t.  What is most important is that we know the main few so as a means to understand a cheater’s reasoning behind their actions.  Most men may never have just one single factor driving their decision to cheat.  And if I am real most women will not care what those reasons are because they will be too involved in the fact that there was trust that was betrayed that they may never get back.  Regardless of why men cheat there needs to be an understanding from those men like Leonard that he did not have to do it.  Period!!!There are and will be other options i.e.: couples therapy, separation, divorce.  Before men like Leonard decide to ruin their integrity and sense of self they should think twice especially considering the #hurtbae result that it produces.

As always I thank you for reading.

Until next time,

Take care and be true.

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