How to Reconcile After a Break Up
On September 7, 2015, my life as I knew it was shaken to the core when my partner of nearly seven years told me that he no longer wanted to be with me.
On September 7, 2015, I was where you were or where you are with a break up; I was devastated, confused, and angry. “How could he do this to us and to our family” were the questions and the kind of thoughts that ran through my mind over and over again. I could not see up from down, at the time, let alone think about reconciliation.
I let time pass before I visited the conversation of reconciliation; I had to truthfully ask myself “was it something that I even wanted”…and just as I began to ask myself that question I thought of what I knew of love…true love does not need convincing; it knows. And just like that, I made the decision that I was going to embark on the journey towards reconciliation. The road ahead was not an easy one but it was a road nonetheless that was both worth it and a road I wish to share with you. I want to tell you what I learned about how to reconcile after a break up.
1. Ask self what is best for you (and family) if child(ren) are involved
As simple of a question as it may be , you have to ask yourself what is best for you and possibly your child(ren). Once I did that, I was able to see the road towards reconciliation more clearly. It became something that I could envision myself pursuing.
2. Respect choice made even if made on emotion
I had to respect the choice made ie. the break up even if it was made based on emotion. After all it was not my job to rationalize with an emotional thinker/doer.
3. Say no to BBP
This third tip that I learned I found really helpful almost after the fact. It is really important especially after a breakup that you do not bargain, beg, or plead (BBP) for your ex’s return.
4. Forgive yourself and start over again
Oh what was I thinking about the third tip…I had to forgive myself and start over again when I acted undignified with my ex i.e. when I would bargain, beg, or plead for his return. Even if you do not think its going to happen and it does…its okay, just start over again.
5. Have open and honest communication with your ex
When you are ready, have honest and open communication with your ex as often as you can. You also want to take this same approach when you decide to discuss in detail the reasons behind the break up. It will be the thing that lets you and your ex know if reconciliation is in cards for the both of you.
6. Let go and let God/Higher power
Whether you are spiritual or not, real reconciliation did not begin to happen for me until I let go and let God/a higher power/force take control…for it is His power and favor that is anointing. He can do all things. I do not mean to start preaching but He can make a way out of no way and that is exactly what He did for me. BUT in order for me to experience that I had to be patient and to wait on Him before that could happen.
7. Begin doing the work within YOURSELF
I knew I could not control any bodies thoughts and actions but my own. Sooo I took this time to do some serious work within myself. I was reading, praying, searching, and reflecting constantly. I asked myself questions repeatedly until I was led to my truth.
8. Hang tight and remember that you need to heal
After I discovered my truth, I had to hang in tightly and remember that I needed to heal for or from the relationship. I had to really take this time to heal and to let go of the hurt, the let down, and the betrayal that you feel from a break up and forgive it all.
If reconciliation was going to happen, I knew that I needed to get myself back before getting back in the relationship first. I spent the next 61 days since September working on myself and figuring out what I both brought to and gained from the table that is my relationship, what made me tick, what made me happy, what made me unhappy, what made me come alive, and the list goes on.
At the end of those two months, my ex and I, after careful consideration, knew that we were not ready to give up on us and have since decided to reconcile.
If I may be honest, this was a hard story to share with you but I am glad that I mustered up the courage to do so. I hope these tips and my personal story has been helpful to you.
Until next time. Take care and be true.
#thislifeiliveintruth
Keep functioning ,impressive job!
Thank you, will do 🙂
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